The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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