Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
