you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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