Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
