needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need water and some morals
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
