the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
