Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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