I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
