im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
