Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
