You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
