whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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