I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
