Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
