Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ugly people sure do ruin things
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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