it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
