Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just threw up on my dentist
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
