I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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