went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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