I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
