I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
