When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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