Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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