she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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