I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
