yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
