There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
