guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
