ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
