The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
