he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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