I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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