the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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