Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
