when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
