I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
