9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
