it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
