She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
