I just pynch a tree in the face
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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