just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
