I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
