I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
