Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
