Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
