she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
