Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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