Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
