I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
