Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
