So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
