I wish I only lived at night.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
