I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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