Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
